Voices

I am surrounded by a thousand voices. Each one I desired to hear, To have them tell me how to make my choices Because I am too riddled with fear. So here I am, in the place I longed to stand, Mind blurring as the thoughts race; 
My mouth screaming as my ears are covered with my hands. And I suddenly know, loitering in this place My own thoughts are the ones I need to hear; My own desires, and the dreams I never clung to or held near. I wish I could go back to when they were new, but it's too late it seems.

Don't Remember for the Momentary Bliss

The last time I cut, it was a beautiful thing... I finally found something that glided ever so perfectly against my skin, slitting it open so little beads of red could slip out... It's all I can think about tonight as I lie in bed, half out of the covers as spring is slowly turning to summer and nights are warmer. I smile as I remember my mind clearing in that moment to focus on what my hand was doing. I don't remember the pain. I block that out. It felt so beautiful in that moment... Stress and worry laid aside and for a brief moment my mind was blank. And then... Chaos. Another slit. And another. And another. Momentary bliss as blood seeped from my cuts. Don't remember the pain; only the beauty of momentary bliss. Don't remember... I remind myself, As I reach again for that perfect blade.

For Forever

In every movie

A lost person,

Broken from their past,

Finds someone.

And, suddenly,

Their brokenness is mended.

One person enters

And the rest is healed for

Forever.

One person will not heal me.

One person cannot take 

My thoughts from me.

One person's love will give happiness, 

Not joy. 

One person can momentarily 

Take the pain, but

One person cannot heal my shattered life for

Forever.

I'm spiraling.

It makes me sick,
Literally my stomach is in knots,
To think about
How a normal mind is taken for granted.
People walk around and
One bad day and they're claiming depression.
A mismatched line
And all of a sudden they're obsessive compulsive.
They can't focus,
It's gotta be attention deficit.
But they can get rid of it.
It goes away for them.
It never goes away for me.
I live in constant fear that something will trigger
And I'll be sent down a spiral
That I may never return from.
One day the thoughts in my head might overtake me.
I can push them to the side as much as I want
But they will never disappear.
And they're claiming anxiety
Because of one broken nail.
Please don't take for granted that your symptoms
Will disappear.