Make Me Whole

When you hold my hand,
The warmth of your touch
Tingles my soul.
When you hug me tight
The whole of your body
Fills my empty spaces.
When you kiss my lips
The sweetness of your breath
Awakens my icy heart
To the sweet possibilities
Of something brand new.

Though these things haven't
Come to pass,
I know with all my heart
That you could make me whole.

Shout Out

There's this girl I know
You'd hate her if you just met her:
She's such an asshole.
But, when you dig past the rough shell,
You'd realize that she's amazing.
She's loyal and loving
And one of the best people you'll ever know.
She'll help you find love,
She'll talk you out of suicide.
She'll listen when you just want to cry.
And she's so beautiful.
Even when she pretends she's not,
She's absolutely gorgeous, inside and out.

So this one's for you, you asshole.
        I love you, girl.

So, I Got Tired Of Being Cute. (Sorry for the language)

I wasn't looking for anything.
I mean, seriously. Fuck that shit.
Relationships suck.
Guys are douche bags.
I've had my heart broken so many times
That I was just D.O.N.E.
I didn't mean to meet him.
I mean, who goes on fucking Omegle
And meets someone? It's messed up.
But he wasn't looking either.
He was just practicing his music
To complete strangers living across the country.
I was supposed to be studying but my friends-
Assholes, each one of them-
Convinced me to listen to him play:
It was my kind of music.
He played so beautifully...
And then I saw his face.
I don't think I could describe my first thought.
All I knew was that I was done for.
That is, if he wanted to talk to me too.
Two hours on a random video chat.
That's how I met him.
And now, I don't want to go a day without talking to him.
It's that awkward moment
When you don't think you can love anymore
That love finds you.
But seriously, fuck you and your cute ass face and awesome personality.

Trying Doesn't Count

I tell everyone: "Don't fall in love with me, I'll only let you down."
Why does no one ever believe me?
I know that my heart isn't capable of attaining love...
At least... Not anymore. I was stupid,
I gave my heart away so early, to someone so undeserving.
And now, I want to let someone new in
I just don't know how to restore my heart in order to give it
Away all over again. And I don't know how..
I don't know how to give it away, it hurt so much the last time.
But I'm going to try my best, you deserve it.
I know I'm falling for you, but I'm grasping for anything
That could possibly stop me.
I think of new excuses everyday as to why I shouldn't like you.
But you counter every one. You're so amazing and...
I only wish that I could be deserving of your attention.
I promise I'm trying my best.

Little White Pill

This little white pill
Holds all the answers.
This pill can make
me happy.
It will help me
Think slower.
It's supposed to heal
My brokenness.
The things inside me
That don't work right
Will now function properly.
I'm not going to
Fade again.
I'll laugh and smile,
Live and love fully.
This little white pill
Is going to mend
My mind.
But first, let me
Slash my hip
One more time.

Don't Compromise 'The Boys'

Sitting in class today, it was preparation for student teaching,
The professor said to all the young women in the room:
"Do some jumping jacks, or stretches in the morning.
Just to make sure that what you're wearing is not compromising
When you are moving around and interacting with students."
But she said nothing to the men.
Why do we put a disclaimer for women to dress
"Appropriately" or in a "non-compromising" manner
And, yet, men are allowed to dress however they please?
Men can be inappropriate or compromising too.
They wear deep-v's, muscle tee's or even go shirtless.
But all hell breaks loose when I wear a miniskirt.
There are some young men at my school
Who wear jeans so tight it's impossible NOT to stare at their junk.
It's distracting. It's inappropriate. It compromises me.
But there's nothing said to them, they're boys.
            Boys will be boys, right?
They can't control their thoughts, actions, or body.
So, ladies, dress appropriately so as not to distract them.

Why are women the only one's guided to cover up
And dress modestly, when men should have to as well?
If they can wear tight, revealing, and 'compromising' clothes,
                                So can I.

Anxiety

It's happening again...
My heart's racing.
Slow down!
Here goes my breathing.
Stop hyperventilating!
In. Out. In. Out.
Now my fists are clenching.
What the hell.
My jaw hurts from
Grinding my teeth.
I'm so stupid.
I don't even know what set me off.
Breathe. In. Out.
Great. Everyone's staring.
Stupid. Stupid.
"Are you okay?"
Someone asked.
"Yeah," breathe "I'm fine."
In. Out. In. Out.
Slow down.
Stop clenching.
Almost back to normal.
Shit.
Someone laughed.
Here I go again.
In. Out. In. Out.

Just Say It

I keep waiting for you to say:

            "It was just a joke. You're as ugly as you think."

I just want you to get it over with:

            "Why would I ever care for you?"

I'm already hearing you tell me:

             "You're just a stupid girl; My friends dared me."

I want you to say it, confirm all my doubts:

             Because obviously I'm not allowed to be happy.
I know it'll happen someday:
             Eventually everyone leaves in the end.
I need you to tell me it's fake
            They did before you, so you can too. 

Revision from California

They tell me 

That human instinct 

Is self-preservation.

So why do I feel

That every impulse 

Is telling me to die?

Every second awake

Is a fight between 

Body and soul.

My body wanting to die.

And my soul struggling

For a desire to survive. 

Walls

I was determined,
No one would get in.
My heart would be defended
Once and for all.
But you've been taking out bricks.
Slowly. One by one
They're all disappearing.
What happens when they're all gone?
When my walls have vanished?
I'm terrified. Please stop.

Living Hell

You may think that these stories I tell are just words.
They're all just lines on a page.
These stories haunt me day and night. These words
Are my existence: my living hell.