You Don't Know.

My mind is blank.
I see your mouth move,
But my ears don't hear.
Now everyone laughs
And I can't even smile.
The only thoughts I entertain
Have me ending up in a grave.
I live in silence;
On the outside
Where no one can see me.
My body feels heavy;
The weight of the world
Setting on my shoulders.
But I don't even feel
The point of a knife.
You look at my life,
But you can't see the pain,
Ripping through my being.
You don't feel 
anything that I feel.
You don't know what I know. 
So don't tell me this isn't real.
Don't tell me it's a joke. 
Because you don't know. 

Hurt

I wish I could write down
All the words I want to say to you.
I long to get it all out on paper.
I wish I could tell you how
Angry I am, and how disappointed
I feel that you turned out
To be like everyone else.
I wish you could feel the pain
You have caused, and see the
Hearts that you have broken.
I want you to hear the screaming
In my head when I think of you;
And I want you to see the tears
That you have caused to fall.
But most of all, I want you to see
How I have to go on pretending
That I don't care; that you didn't hurt me
And that we're just the same
As we've always been.

Frozen

That night is one
    Not easily forgotten
The time we talked
    From night until dawn.
As young lovers learning
    About each other
For the very first time.
    Then your arms,
Wrapped around my waist,
    Brought us close
And my heart fluttered
    As a hummingbird's wings
Our lips grazed, mine desiring yours
    As a deer pants for water.
And suddenly I was thrown
    Head first into the sweetest
Reservoir of honey that is your lips.
    And as you pulled me close
I allowed my heart to open
    And your ice cold one
Froze mine right where we stood.

I Have to Go Now

Mommy's moving out today...
Her bags are on the floor.
Look up from your computer!
Don't you have anything to say?
You missed her walk out the door.
I guess the game is a better suitor.

Daddy, I'm sorry you're hurting.
But maybe if you would have noticed
Mommy, she wouldn't have left.
I can hear your sad crying,
But you didn't have the remotest
Clue that mommy felt like a reject.

Daddy, my room is packed too now.
My posters are off the walls
And I have to say goodbye to you,
But I don't think I'll ever know how.
I know you don't see the tears that fall,
I'll always love you daddy, it's true.

Mommy needs me more now.
She really doesn't want to leave
But she wasn't being seen by you
So she has to get out of town.
If she doesn't, she'll die from her grief
I'll miss you daddy, you know it's true.

Like You

My daddy told me to find someone just like him.
And as a little girl I was blinded to his sin.
The way my mother was ignored
And my eldest brother was driven out the door,
By my father's own hand.
My sister's dreams to dance would crash land
As my father would insist we did not have the money.
But as soon as sports came along and it was sunny,
He would find all the resources on the earth.
And my poor younger brother, never knowing his worth,
Was pushed to the side for our perfect elder brother.
We quickly learned not to bother the two of them together.
Sins against myself I can not quickly recount,
Though I was the first born daughter, I did not amount
To the standards placed before me
And I became the child to long to become an escapee.
So, daddy, I see what you can do
And I no longer want my husband to be just like you.

Good at Lying

Her arms have scars
Her life's not whole.
She opens up, to some new shining stars
That turn out to be disguised black wholes.
So the walls are back up
And some new scars appear,
As do some new falling tears.

Her mom's never home,
Her dad's always gone.
This life she lives isn't her own.
Decisions are made
And she picks up the blade.
"I can't do this anymore!"
She cries in the dark.

A scream was made,
And then she was gone;
A whisper in the wind, a tear in the storm.
Just because she looked so strong,
Didn't mean she never fell asleep crying.
And even though she acted like nothing was wrong;
Maybe, just maybe, she was really good at lying.